The last week has made me realize that I have large trade deficits with many corporations, and this is unacceptable.
I would have a trade deficit of course when my imports exceed my exports. An import is when I purchase goods or services in exchange for money. An export is when I receive money for supplying goods or services.
It’s stunning how many corporations take more of my money than money I receive from them. One of the biggest culprits: my local grocery store, Kroger.
I have carefully calculated that in the last year, I have imported $2,143.91 worth of goods and services from Kroger, and exported $6.99 worth of goods and services. This is an absolutely shocking ratio of 177.96 to 1.
Perhaps you are wondering what some of these imports and exports are. Here are some examples of imports:
- Caesar salad kit, $3.99
- Whole chicken, $12.81 (this seems like a good deal to me, but Donald says I’m being taken advantage of?)
- Chocolate-filled croissants: $4.99
And here is an exhaustive list of all of the exports on my list:
- Recalled waffles that might have listeria in them: $6.99
That’s the entire list of exports! I’m obviously doing something wrong. Many other people seem to be selling products to Kroger, or else the shelves would be empty.
And even children are selling products to Kroger! Or I guess just selling products in Kroger? I should disclose that I also have a $60 trade deficit with the Girl Scouts, mostly in Thin Mints.
My only successful export so far has been those potentially deadly waffles; maybe I should stock up on products that I think might later be recalled?
Donald Trump says that the only solution is for me to levee tariffs on all future imports from Kroger. And given the magnitude of the trade imbalance I have with Kroger, it’s clear that the tariff number needs to be commensurately large. Maybe the 104% that Trumps’ about to level on China is about right? I will ask Kroger to pay these, but I think only Donald Trump believes that’s how it works; I know I’ll be eating these costs. (And probably eating less food.)
But there’s an issue here, and that’s that Trump’s tariffs are going to increase my import costs, even if I don’t charge my own tariffs!
So good news- 30% of my tariff is already in place!
This website is all about Elon Musk and how smart he is. And Elon seems to be strongly against these enormous tariffs:
Musk made direct appeals to Trump to reverse new tariffs, Washington Post reports
Trump is a self-proclaimed stable genius, and I’ve declared Elon, um, a not very stable genius? So who’s right in this battle of geniuses, this battle of wits to the death [of the country?] Here are the options as I see them:
Either:
Trump is very smart, and trade deficits are bad and they’re basically a tariffs and Trump’s new tariffs are going to immediately bring manufacturing back to the United States even though that will take 10+ years and prices will skyrocket? And Elon is not smart and doesn’t understand the genius of this stable genius.
Or …
Trump’s views on trade are on the level of a 5-year-old, and he somehow thinks that a trade deficit is inherently bad, just like my Kroger trade deficit is bad. (Seriously, the chickens are a really good deal!) And that a trade deficit is a tariff which is an absolutely absurd thing to believe and you’d have to question the sanity of anyone who thinks that. And Elon, genius though he is, doesn’t even need to be a genius to figure out that this is such a fundamental misunderstanding of basic economics. Not even basic economics, just basic common sense.
You don’t have to be a genius to see the answer is behind door #2. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Kroger. Again.
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